Diary as a Reflection of Deteriorating Mental Wellbeing
David Brainard's diary content also provides evidence of his mental deterioration over the course of the expedition. While Brainard's initial diary entries are largely informative and indicate moderate spirits despite their difficult situation, his later entries signal his genuine discouragement with their horrific living conditions.
Moderate Spirits
Brainard's initial diary entries focus on clearly and concisely documenting the conditions of their expedition. His journaling indicates generally moderate spirits amongst himself and other crewmembers.
On March 2, 1884, on page 76 of the diary, Brainard writes: "Elison is keeping up splendid spirits." This description highlights the condition of Corporal Elison, who despite suffering severe frostbite just a few months earlier in November, maintained "splendid spirits" and remained mentally sound. This documentation comes just one day after Brainard began the long-form documentation of their expedition.
On March 27, 1884, on page 129 of the diary, Brainard writes: "Great cheering + good feeling prevailed + Long was the hero of the hour when he threw the birds at the Commanders feet as a birthday offering." This description highlights yet another positive day on the expedition. Despite their food struggles, Brainard speaks to the "cheering" and "good feeling" on the expedition as Private Long, who handled a bulk of the expedition's hunting, succeeded in his daily hunt. To make this success even greater, this came just in time for Lieutenant Greely's 40th birthday, who was presented with the fresh kill as a birthday gift. Yet again, Brainard's early documentation highlights the crew's ability to make the most of their poor situation and even celebrate events like birthdays.
Darker Thoughts
Brainard's later diary entries signal a shift in his mental condition, as he recounts his feelings of hopelessness, his poor physical condition, and his inability to produce comprehensible writing. While Brainard was able to stay moderately positive in the earlier months of his documentation, his later entries reflect a descent into darker thoughts, marked by an overwhelming sense of despair.
On May 2, 1884, on page 189 of the diary, Brainard writes: "The future looks very dark for us but as for myself I have lost all fear of death + now look forward to it as a relief from our terrible sufferings. My emaciated frame is nothing but a bundle of bones - it would not make a respectable hat rack." This harrowing description stands starkly in contrast to his earlier tone from just two months earlier. Not only does Brainard speak to his excruciatingly poor physical condition, definied by his "emaciated frame" that couldn't even serve as a "hat rack," but he also describes his complete loss of hope for their journey. He describes how he no longer has any "fear of death," and instead actually "look[s] forward to it." Towards the end of his journey, Brainard's mortifying illustration of his physical condition and longing for death indicates his utterly deteriorated mental condition.
On May 3, 1884, on page 191 of the diary, Brainard writes: "Will anyone ever be able to decipher this writing. It is in great part illegible the sentences incoherent, + all written in a hurry + with great rapidity and under the most trying circumstances that our miserable condition would admit of." This description highlights Brainard's genuine inability to produce comprehensive writing and documentation towards the end of their expedition. Although Brainard is mentally sound enough to understand the extent to which his later writing is "illegible" and "incoherent," this change in tone signals his disbelief with his condition. When Brainard embarked on this expedition with his journal in hand, he never expected to deteriorate to this extent, where his writing would become so chaotic, reflecting both the physical and psychological toll of the expedition. The contrast between his initial intentions and the current state of his journal underscores the devastating impact of the extreme conditions on his ability to communicate effectively and to his fullest abilities.
Ultimately, the content of Brainard's journal documentation over time provide an indicator of Brainard's deteriorating mental condition towards the end of the expedition. While earlier pages highlight his and his crewmembers' tremendous mental strength, the later pages of his diary reveal an undeniable shift toward fragmented thoughts, darker reflections, and an erosion of his initial resilience.